As Sega starts to release more details about Project Needlemouse, I’ve decided to compile a humble list of things Sega needs to do in order to resuscitate its beloved mascot.  Let’s see what they’ve already accomplished, and I’ll be sure to revisit this list when the game is released, especially since we’ve had a few promises like this before.  The promise of Sonic Unleashed to return Sonic to his 2D roots was undermined somewhat by the 3D werewolf sections.

Make the game 2D – Check (tentatively)

Easily the most important item on this list.  Sonic just fits naturally in a 2D environment.  Sure, Sonic Adventure was unbelievable when it first came rolling out on the Dreamcast red carpet, but in hindsight the game hasn’t aged terribly well.  The physics are wonky and aside from Sonic and Tails’ levels there’s no speed.  Sega has promised a return to Sonic’s 2D side scrolling roots, but again, Sonic Unleashed promised this as well.  We’re promised a “more 2D style of gameplay”, but what exactly “more 2D” means is open to interpretation.  Keep to your word, guys.

Make the games about speed

Another obvious one that Sonic Team has missed like a champ over ten-odd painful years.  The very name Sonic the Hedgehog should be pretty self-explanatory, but apparently not given some of the stupid gimmicks we’ve endured from Sonic over the past decade.  You want to bring Sonic back to his roots, developers?  Follow this one if nothing else.

Get rid of the other characters – Check

A Sonic game has finally dispensed of the annoying ensemble cast that has served no purpose other than literally slowing games down and irritating us.  In a recent press release Gamer Limit mentioned, Sega confirmed that the game will, indeed, be about Sonic.  No Amy, no Shadow, no Big, no more annoying sidekicks.  This is just all Sonic, all the time.  Tails and Knuckles are allowed to the party, but for the love of God, don’t give them slow, annoying platforming sections.  Remember Knuckles’ treasure hunting segments?  Treasure hunting, in a Sonic game?  Don’t make us relive this bitterness.

Ditch the stupid storyteller themes

I’m not sure who thought Sonic and the Black Knight was a god idea, but this was such an abhorrently stupid concept it wouldn’t have even worked in 2D.  Mind, I’m not referring to something like a “Medieval Zone” (which would actually be neat), I’m talking about a 2D Sonic game where Sonic would wield a sword and shield.  It’s too early to check this off the list, but let’s hope when Sega says Sonic’s roots, they really mean it this time.

He’s Dr. Robotnik, not Eggman

Robotnik apparently became Eggman from Sonic Adventure onward.   Since this coincides neatly with the sharp decline of Sonic, I say we give the doc his real name back.

Get rid of the voice acting

The voice acting in Sonic Adventure was passable, but since the overall quality has absolutely plummeted. The English translations sounds like they came from 4Kids and it’s literally impossible to tell Tails’ gender in Sonic Heroes or Sonic the Hedgehog 2006.  Like 3D, voice acting is another concept that isn’t going to work with Sonic.  Let it go so Sonic doesn’t have to be stuck in permanent baritone.

Get rid of the dialogue

What’s arguably worse than bad voice acting?  Bad writing.  Ever since the Sonic series went within ten yards of a script, it’s had writing egregious enough to warrant censorship.

Lose the token human characters

The original idea behind Sonic was that Robotnik had invaded the forest to turn everything into machinery. Well, Sonic games aren’t in the forest anymore and humans have an increasingly prevalent role in the games. It’s impossible to take interaction a talking Sonic and humans seriously and all it does is detract from the experience.

Follow these guidelines, and what do you get?  Hopefully the equivalent of the early Sonic the Hedgehog games.  Only time will tell.

One of the first games I tried out since buying my PS3 Slim was Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction.  I’ve loved the series since I played the first game, and one of the first things I noticed was my beloved turrets were back – and still as delightfully overpowered as ever.  This got me thinking about that special weapon – the one that negates any challenge, strategy, or intimidation by enemies.  So, since Gamer Limit readers seem to enjoy lists, I thought I’d compile a list of weapons that have stuck out for me as so abominably cheap that you’d have to blindfold yourself to give the game any challenge.  If I forgot anything (most likely due to me not playing the game in question) feel free to comment!

11.  The Organic Gravity Gun in Half-Life 2

Okay, so this one can’t really be classified as a weapon since you can only use it in specific instances.  Really though, it’s so much fun to use how can you not put it on a list like this, even as a joke?

10.  The Hand Cannon from Resident Evil 4

In all seriousness, don’t let the low position on this list fool you – it’s not higher solely because it’s very difficult to obtain.  Having said that, not only is it free, it’s obscenely strong.  The aim is somewhat limited, but arm yourself with this and you’re geared for pretty much anything the game can throw at you.

9.  The Knights of the Round summon Final Fantasy VII

Summons were a fairly integral part of combat in Final Fantasy VII (and the series in general), but even by that standard the best way to describe Knights of the Round is a “kill everything button”.  Using it triggers a series of attacks that amount to around 80,000 damage, enough to kill all but two optional bosses in a single hit.  The developers even made it so you can’t use Knights of the Round against Ruby Weapon without it automatically killing you using Ultima.  When developers feel the need to restrict their own weapon, that’s definitely a sign of an overpowered skill.  The only reason it’s relatively low on this list is that it requires a fair amount of effort to get.  Once you do, you’re set for the rest of the game.

8.  The pistol in Halo

It’s ironic that the pistol is such an effective weapon in Halo.  Usually, it only exists as a fallback weapon when your big guns are out of ammo.  Here, it’s the bane of Covenant, opponents in multiplayer, and even the Flood in most cases.  The pistol has big ammo, does heavy damage per hit, and is actually a fairly effective sniping weapon due to a small zoom ability.  It’s easy to kill other players and Covenant Elites in a few hits by using headshots, and most Flood combat forms will go down fairly quickly.  It’s not much use against swarms of Flood infection forms, but even then just fire a few shots into the cloud of little parasites, finish off about half of them, and let your armor absorb the rest.

7.  The AWP Sniper Rifle in Counter-Strike

While requiring marginally more skill than the Halo pistol to use being a sniper rifle (for people who are terrible with bona fide sniper rifles like me, anyway), the AWP practically defined overpowered weaponry; in many ways, it still does.  It’s a long range sniper rifle that pretty much everybody uses to this day, even after it’s been nerfed at least twice by Valve in Counter-Strike and Source.  Common side effects of this weapon are revenge hacks, excessive profanity, and people screaming into voice chat that the weapon in question is rigged.  Even today when you play Source most games will ring with the hated, feared, and loved shot noise associated with the AWP.

6.   The Ripper in Dead Space

In a game based around dismembering limbs, you’d think a buzzsaw weapon based around cutting would be the most effective tool in the drawer.  You’d be right.  The Ripper acts as a chainsaw with better range, and you’re able to move it as it spins.  As such, it’s the best possible weapon for dismemberment, and you’ll be able to mince any enemy that comes near you into a dismembered heap of dead alien flesh.  It’s more awkward to use in Dead Space: Extraction due to the sketchy Wii Remote movement physics (as always) but in Dead Space it’s guaranteed to make Necromorph limbs fly everywhere.

5.  The stationary turret in every Ratchet and Clank game

One of the signature weapons in the Ratchet and Clank series has always been a stationary turret that you drop, whereupon it attacks enemies that come near you.  It sounds like a simple premise, but the sheer amount of firepower it packs has made it one of the most devastatingly powerful weapons in every game in the series.  Even at its most basic level rips apart everything from big bosses to armored enemies to large rushes of grunt soldiers.  It gets even more powerful in Tools of Destruction, where the turret is actually made into a group of nano-swarmers that will disassemble anything that goes near it.  The scary part is even that can be upgraded by giving it a poison effect.  Then you can also purchase an upgrade that gives the Nano Swarmers a freezing effect.  Drop one or two and watch enemies explode faster than you can say “Cheap”.

4.  The Crissaegrim in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

In a way, this is the BFG of SotN.  Virtually everybody knows about it and will actually recommend that you avoid obtaining or using it if you want to retain any challenge in the game at all.  There are weapons with higher attack power, but this thing lands several hits per swing, has huge range, and does substantial damage with every hit.  If you get your hands on this thing it negates all strategy for the remainder of the entire game.

3.   Farsight in Perfect Dark

This weapon actually manages to make the AWP look like a pillow launcher.  Why?  In addition to the substantial power, the Farsight not only lets you see enemies through walls, but it also lets you shoot through them.  To date, this is the only weapon I’ve encountered that can actually break the laws of physics.  It’s reasonable to assume that this would exist as a hack in virtually any other game, but not Perfect Dark.

2.   Jade Golem form in Jade Empire

A more underappreciated BioWare gem, Jade Empire was essentially Knights of the Old Republic in a mythological ancient China setting.  With myth comes magic, and the most ridiculously overpowered magical ability in the game was Jade Golem.  This gave you the ability to turn into a giant Jade Golem as long as you had enough Chi (mana), which you usually did unless you avoided putting any points whatsoever into Chi when you leveled up.  Moreso than other transformations, Jade Golem form gave you ridiculous boosts to damage and armor, and additionally you become immune to all status effects.  You pick this up in the middle of the game and from then on there’s literally no reason to use anything else.  I even beat the very difficult final boss in under ten seconds by just hammering away with Jade Golem, taking off huge chunks of health with every hit.  I know what you’re thinking: Surely you’ll run out of Chi at some point, right?  That’s the winner: It recharges after every fight is finished.

So we’ve hit number one: My most overpowered video game weapon is…

1.  Fire Flower in New Super Mario Bros.

While the Fire Flower has been in every 2D Mario game since its conception, it got a significant power boost in New Super Mario Bros.  In the past most bosses had been immune to it, but now as long as you have Fire Flower you can simply spam your way past virtually every enemy and boss in the game with no risk to yourself.  In other 2D Mario games, you had the unlimited ammo and the one shot kills, but it didn’t work on some enemies.  You know what you’re in for when you get to the first world’s end boss and win within seconds by relentlessly hammering him with the Fire Flower as fast as you can mash the button.  The Fire Flower may only be this strong in New SMB but it’s been a powerful trademark icon of the series for over a decade, which definitely warrants the top of the list.

Honorable Mentions: The Fat Man in Fallout 3, the BFG in Doom, and the chainsaw in Gears of War 2