The “Save Sonic” Checklist

By: Michael Carusi | January 17th, 2010

As Sega starts to release more details about Project Needlemouse, I’ve decided to compile a humble list of things Sega needs to do in order to resuscitate its beloved mascot.  Let’s see what they’ve already accomplished, and I’ll be sure to revisit this list when the game is released, especially since we’ve had a few promises like this before.  The promise of Sonic Unleashed to return Sonic to his 2D roots was undermined somewhat by the 3D werewolf sections.

Make the game 2D – Check (tentatively)

Easily the most important item on this list.  Sonic just fits naturally in a 2D environment.  Sure, Sonic Adventure was unbelievable when it first came rolling out on the Dreamcast red carpet, but in hindsight the game hasn’t aged terribly well.  The physics are wonky and aside from Sonic and Tails’ levels there’s no speed.  Sega has promised a return to Sonic’s 2D side scrolling roots, but again, Sonic Unleashed promised this as well.  We’re promised a “more 2D style of gameplay”, but what exactly “more 2D” means is open to interpretation.  Keep to your word, guys.

Make the games about speed

Another obvious one that Sonic Team has missed like a champ over ten-odd painful years.  The very name Sonic the Hedgehog should be pretty self-explanatory, but apparently not given some of the stupid gimmicks we’ve endured from Sonic over the past decade.  You want to bring Sonic back to his roots, developers?  Follow this one if nothing else.

Get rid of the other characters – Check

A Sonic game has finally dispensed of the annoying ensemble cast that has served no purpose other than literally slowing games down and irritating us.  In a recent press release Gamer Limit mentioned, Sega confirmed that the game will, indeed, be about Sonic.  No Amy, no Shadow, no Big, no more annoying sidekicks.  This is just all Sonic, all the time.  Tails and Knuckles are allowed to the party, but for the love of God, don’t give them slow, annoying platforming sections.  Remember Knuckles’ treasure hunting segments?  Treasure hunting, in a Sonic game?  Don’t make us relive this bitterness.

Ditch the stupid storyteller themes

I’m not sure who thought Sonic and the Black Knight was a god idea, but this was such an abhorrently stupid concept it wouldn’t have even worked in 2D.  Mind, I’m not referring to something like a “Medieval Zone” (which would actually be neat), I’m talking about a 2D Sonic game where Sonic would wield a sword and shield.  It’s too early to check this off the list, but let’s hope when Sega says Sonic’s roots, they really mean it this time.

He’s Dr. Robotnik, not Eggman

Robotnik apparently became Eggman from Sonic Adventure onward.   Since this coincides neatly with the sharp decline of Sonic, I say we give the doc his real name back.

Get rid of the voice acting

The voice acting in Sonic Adventure was passable, but since the overall quality has absolutely plummeted. The English translations sounds like they came from 4Kids and it’s literally impossible to tell Tails’ gender in Sonic Heroes or Sonic the Hedgehog 2006.  Like 3D, voice acting is another concept that isn’t going to work with Sonic.  Let it go so Sonic doesn’t have to be stuck in permanent baritone.

Get rid of the dialogue

What’s arguably worse than bad voice acting?  Bad writing.  Ever since the Sonic series went within ten yards of a script, it’s had writing egregious enough to warrant censorship.

Lose the token human characters

The original idea behind Sonic was that Robotnik had invaded the forest to turn everything into machinery. Well, Sonic games aren’t in the forest anymore and humans have an increasingly prevalent role in the games. It’s impossible to take interaction a talking Sonic and humans seriously and all it does is detract from the experience.

Follow these guidelines, and what do you get?  Hopefully the equivalent of the early Sonic the Hedgehog games.  Only time will tell.